im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The uberlube is also flammable
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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