What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize