The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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