Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
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brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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