Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize