hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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