Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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