I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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