I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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