You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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