At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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