If that was your dad, he is hot
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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