If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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