I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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