They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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