The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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