Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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