You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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