I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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