that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
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I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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