just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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