Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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