It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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