Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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