she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize