bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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