at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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