Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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