And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize