went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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