Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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