Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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