So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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