fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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