I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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