No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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