Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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