She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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