i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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