did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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