I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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