Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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