i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
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I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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