i don't like sucking hair
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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