Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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