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that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
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