I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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