I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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