I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize