My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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